Keeping up appearances.

I'm sitting on my bed right now, trying to fight the exhaustion that's been suffocating my train of thought for the last couple of weeks. I've been at work pretty much 24/7 and it's starting to get on my nerves to the point where I feel like sticking a stake through people's chest if they start acting stupid (and yes, I've been watching too much Buffy). I can't even describe how good it feels to know I'll be done with this crap in 9 days, otherwise I'd probably start crying puddles of bitter, black blood within a day or two. No normal person can survive having to work eight to ten hours every Saturday and Sunday.

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote here, though, which might also have something to do with the mood I've been in lately. Most of those things have actually been good, but when you're already drowning in work, exams and all kinds of tasks and troubles, having to deal with one new thing after another at such a speed can get quite overwhelming.

My boyfriend got into a school here in Tampere and we're now living in the same city for the first time, which is just super, especially since we weren't even sure if we were gonna be able to continue this bizarre thing of ours after this summer due to complicated circumstances. I'm so proud of him, getting where he is now has been anything but easy. It gives me hope to see someone so close to me actually reaching a goal they've been fighting years for, even when the light at the end of the tunnel has seemed like it's burned out.

I also went to see the xx at Flow festival about a week ago. It's been a while since I felt live music go through me like that. I used to live and breathe live music, I went to every concert and gig I knew about and experienced life at its fullest whenever I heard those first few sounds from the guitar or microphone, nothing felt so ecstatically good as standing there tasting hearing moving sensing smelling listening breathing. I haven't experienced that in years, but I got a glimpse of what it was like back then when I was standing there, listening to those 20-year-old geniuses. If I some day manage to create something as moving as those sounds - whether through words, music or pictures, or pretty much anything - I can die satisfied.

Uni starts next week. I'm pretty excited, for once. It's gonna be a busy fall, I'm taking so many classes I'm probably going to die before Christmas, but it's fine. The classes, not the dying. But I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry.

Flesh and wine and luxury.

Glaciers have melted to the sea
(Things have gotten closer to the sun)
I wish the tide would take me over
(And I've done things in small doses)
I've been down onto my knees
(So don't think that I'm pushing you away)
And you just keep on getting closer
(When you're the one that I've kept closest)

Cooking for just one is kinda annoying. I always make too much food and because I don't want to waste it, end up eating too much of it, too, and then feel so stuffed it's almost as if someone had been shoving 500 kilos of pasta down my throat. I mean, I normally save some for later, but still I end up looking like I'm eight months pregnant for a few hours after eating. It's pretty much the same thing when I eat at the uni cafeteria, I already know I won't be eating much else during the day when I go there so I pile so much food on my plate that it's almost certain I won't be feeling hungry before all the grocery stores have already closed their doors. I'm waiting for the day my stomach simply decides to burst.

I'm done with exams for a while now. The next time I'll be expected to attend lectures will be in September. I'm still not sure how I feel about all this time on my hands. Excited? Been there, done that, danced around fully clothed as well as naked yesterday. Bored? Maybe in a few weeks. Empty? That's it. If I wasn't feeling this stuffed, I'd probably be floating around aimlessly like a lonely balloon with nothing but air inside my poor self.

I had a EEG test this morning, I promised to help a guy I know with his (psychology) master's thesis and thus had to get my brain activity checked. I also gave a blood sample a few months ago which will apparently also show if I have a genetic allele that increases risk for depression. Should be interesting since it seems it's almost a family trait to be somehow unstable.