I'm going to stop pretending that I didn't break your heart.

It's hard to realise how much you've actually hurt someone, even if it happened a long time ago, even if there was no other way out of the situation than to burn the bridge you were standing on. I'm a good swimmer and usually find a shore to climb out on pretty quickly, but for others it sometimes takes a while to get their head above the surface again. However, the look on a person's face right after you've pushed them off a cliff isn't something you want to remember, even though it's a face you never really manage to forget.

The last few weeks have been somewhat chaotic. There have been days I've been dancing around on the streets just happy to be alive and days I've been laying on the kitchen floor just hoping this was somebody else's life. I think I've reached a balance of some kind now, though. I guess happiness and grief simply walk hand in hand, and honestly, I wouldn't change this uphill downhill race for stability even though that would make living so much easier.

I went to see Huoratron with Henry, Anni and Hannes on last Friday and the gig was ecstatically good. I can't remember the last time I danced my muscles sore like that. Well, the week before that actually, but it was different because it wasn't to live music.

Oh, and, I spontaneously booked flights to Düsseldorf. We'll see if I ever catch my flight back.

I'm tired of the old shit
Let the new shit begin