I don't know what I can save you from.

So apparently I'm sick again, it's only the third time within the past four months. No matter how hard I play hard to get with the common cold, it still seems to find its way back into my life. Well, I guess it's good I at least have one faithful lover out there that doesn't take no for an answer but only fights harder when I turn it down. Overdosing on vitamin C seems like the only way out of this relationship right now.

I have a bad tendency to want to help and cure people, to try and save them from whatever it is that's haunting them. It's annoying. Sometimes I don't even know if my interest towards someone is genuine or if I just want a new project to work on. Sad, huh? I realise not all people need help, moreover, not all people want to be helped or saved, but I can't help myself. I guess there actually are some sort of maternal instincts inside my irresponsible, reckless heart after all. I just wish they sometimes shut up.

Missing people can be brutal; sometimes you realise you're missing some parts of certain individuals that were lost a long time ago. Other times you notice you've pretty much been missing times instead of people and no matter how hard you try to bring those memories and moods back to life by visiting friends and places, there's still that something missing that used to make everything around you seem special. I'm not saying new memories, even more spectacular ones, can't be created even under those circumstances, but letting go of what used to be can sometimes be so murderously difficult that you forget where you are and are only able to concentrate on where you will never be again.

Old pale memories of someone you knew
Keep crawling through the back of your mind
Still in time
And in the daylight you're crossing all your wires
You just never knew how to put out a fire
And the closet's been shaken with bones
Little reminders that you're out on your own

Now I'm going to drown myself in my huge Threadless hoodie and hope this loyal friend of mine will leave me alone before Friday for that's when I start my new job. Let the fight begin. Good thing I still have some blackcurrant juice and aspirin left from the last time me and the flu broke up.

Destroy everything you touch.

Well, it's been two weeks and I've already found myself asking that "alive or just breathing?" question I was so afraid of the last time I wrote here - yay for me. However, the reason behind it doesn't have anything to do with my poor head now, this time it's purely physical which is why I'm not feeling like a weak hypocrite. Weak, yes, but that's also because of my current condition. I've been laying sick in bed for five whole days now and this day will probably be my sixth. And by "in bed", I mean in bed, I've had such high fever that I haven't really been able to lift a finger not to mention a leg to move my ass anywhere but the kitchen or the bathroom, and even those two about 3m long journeys have felt like marathons most of the time. I can't remember the last time I've been this sick, it's scary. I miss my appetite and a good night's sleep, I wake up five times a night just to find my clothes and sheets soaking wet from sweating, freezing. Good thing Rory and Lorelai are always there for me when no one else is.

Last week I went on a cruise with my uni friends, and we actually ended up winning another 4 luxury cruise tickets from this "guess which song" competition on the ship - pretty ironic, ha? Good times. I think I challenged one of my friends into a Guitar Hero battle in the middle of the night or perhaps morning, and I'm pretty sure I lost after playing some song from The Killers painfully bad. The breakfast buffet the next morning was pure excellence, and after trying to make up for the 2-hour sleep we all had had in the early morning by taking a short nap but failing at it, the tax-free goods looked even better than they probably would've without the sleep deprivation. Toblerone, my old friend, came home with me, as well as some salty licorice and a bottle of lime vodka. Good thing my appetite hasn't been doing so well, I still have some chocolate and most of the licorice left.

I hate missing people. Pillows don't talk, and even coffee doesn't taste as good when you only make it for one.