I like the sweet life and the silence but it's the storm that I believe in.

It's six a.m. and I'm wide awake. Asking why is like trying to catch a plane that's left an hour ago, pointless and desperate. I realised I can't get back to sleep so I just got up and made some coffee. There's something so frail and beautiful about these early mornings, I'm glad I did.

It's been a busy week, I only came home yesterday. I wasn't meaning to leave for Jurva again but I ended up doing that anyway on Thursday, and spent another long weekend there messing up with heads and resetting mine. We had a party both on Thursday and Friday, which might've been a bit too hardcore, but all in all I think we all had a pretty good time, even Anni even though me and Hannes decided to tie her to our bodies with masking tape when she decided it was time to go to bed at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning. We all ended up wrestling with each other on the floor, it was pretty hilarious. I also had some great talks with people, it's always a good feeling when you get closer to someone who's always seemed somehow out of reach, you know, mind-wise.

I have my second exam in two days, and I still have two linguistics books to read. Sucks to be me. There's this course everyone else on my class already attended, like, at least a year ago, and honestly, I've tried dragging my ass there a couple times, both times failing so epically that now I'm simply gonna try and pass the exam basing my knowledge on just the books. Might not be such a good idea but to hell with it, I'm still gonna try. (I think the last sentence pretty much sums up my whole life.)

I think I've lost a friend who's been there for me more than most. I know it's my own fault and that I've been neglecting our friendship for a while now, so I guess I should just look into the mirror and smash it instead of complaining about it here. I'm not entirely surprised, I mean I should've woken up sooner and not now that it might already be too late to gather up something spectacular from the remains of our ruins. I suck at keeping in touch, and I suck at telling people what they mean to me, instead I just expect them to know and to trust it even when I'm out of touch and out of reach all the time. I have to remind myself to take better care of my friendships because lately I've been concentrating mostly on just my own messed up life. I mean I've had a lot going on and it's been a hellish chaos but that doesn't make it alright to get so self-absorbed. And probably Henry-absorbed, go figure.

Coffee tastes better than in a long time, alone or not. I'm broke and stuck with the terrible burden of missing someone around the klock, but it's okay. I know things will be alright eventually and right now that's enough to keep me smiling even with the black eye reality gave me a while ago. Bruises always turn yellow and eventually fade away.