You've never seen the lonely me at all.

I got a surprise visit from four nutjobs on Monday and I'm still kinda hungover from that, at least mentally. It's pretty entertaining to watch how groups form themselves, i.e. our little friend gang has become quite close during the past few weeks even though most of us just met each other a couple months ago. We're all so very different but still somehow the same essentially. It feels less lonely to be all messed up in your head when you're with people who are crawling in the same fucked-up mess trying to get up but failing.

I've never been someone with loads of close friends. I know thousands of people and make friends easily with most people I meet but it's hard for me to actually let people get to know me. What bothers me about Tampere is that I still haven't managed to form myself an actual safenet except for my sister. I know tons of lovely people and mostly always have someone to go out boozing with but it's not the same thing. I miss having actual conversations with people face to face, I'm kinda sick of talking about general bullshit that really tells nothing about you and doesn't interest anyone.



Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more