Piikkilankaa punoo sydämeni ympärilleen.

Ok, now I'm officially on holiday, I had my last exam today and the next time I'm obligated to drag my arse to the campus is on January 11th, which means I have a whole damn month to just lay around in my underwear and do whatever I please. I might actually manage to read something that hasn't got anything to do with school for a change, I haven't really had enough time or patience to do that in... well, let's just say it's been a while. It's kinda sad that I have no desire whatsoever to even open a book nowadays, I used to read all the time. It's not like it's a must but I'd like to go back to enjoying stuff like that again.

Last Thursday was hilarious. I meant to just quickly visit the Christmas party my professors and uni mates had organized - well, the night got a bit longer than that, I arrived home around 5am. I ended up dancing Viennese waltz with my literature professor, and I also ended up dancing at some random club with people whose faces I forgot already on my way back to my flat. It was fun, though, I hadn't showered and was looking like an insomniac junkie because it was a wholly spontaneous party trip, which is probably why I felt a lot more relaxed and actually attracted quite an amount of attention. My ego was pleased. Gotta do that more often, apparently getting yourself ready actually makes you more self-conscious than self-confident.

I have always answered the question "do you have a best friend?" with a sigh and a frustrated "no, I don't do best friends" - which is true in both ways, unless they're someone else's - but in a way it's been a lie for many years now. I hate putting all kinds of relationships in any particular order, but I guess in the end it's just normal to do that unconsciously since some people you simply feel closer to than others. However, I'm ready to come out of the closet now - I do have a best friend: myself. This concept for me is, however, not at all black and white, since there are basically two people I include to "myself", and one of them is as far as I know another person in another body. Our relationship is very much like the one Jack and Tyler have in Fight Club, except we switch our roles on a daily basis. There have been some Marla Singers in our life, too, but so far none of them have been invited to stay to watch the great explosion with us - maybe because as far as we have eatch other, we don't really need any third wheel to stick around. Anyway, the main point is that me and my personal Tyler/Jack are gonna make our It's Complicated public during the holidays by inking an important symbol into our flesh.

I know I'm a hedonistic narcissist most of the time. I also know it's probably not healthy when it gets extreme. I still fail to see it as a problem - my problem, anyway, and in case it's someone else's, I really don't give a crap. This is my means of survival, my defence mechanism when the reality tries to kick in.