It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry.

So I guess I'm pretty much on the market again - not that I was ever officially off it or even really desiring to be. Guess it wasn't, after all, such a great idea to get into any kind of fling with a person who's just as fucked in his head as I am. Not saying it was ever a bad idea, though, I don't regret anything - it was a nice bubble and most of all a very lovely band-aid as long as it lasted. I have nothing negative to say about anything that's happened regarding the whole mess.

I've started enjoying my studies again. My motivation is still lying sluggishly on the ground, and my discipline is too exhausted from the last week to pick it up yet, but I'm on my way to becoming my old vibrant self again, at least for now. I actually ended up enjoying the whole being at the campus 24/7 lifestyle more than I ever could've imagined and now that I'm lying here in front of my laptop I kinda miss the hellish haste.

I also decided I'm gonna apply for an exchange year next spring. I like the idea of studying linguistics and translation studies in Antwerp or Wien or maybe even Berlin. German is starting to become the language I actually enjoy working with even though it's always been my second best choice until now - I'm still also studying English among other subjects such as Women's studies, but the language surprisingly doesn't give me any more pleasure than the good old Deutsch that I've always had a hate/love relationship with, even though English has always been the foreign language I've been most comfortable with and that has felt like my own. Heh. I mean, English is a pretty boring language when you start to think about it. It's not that unusual to have magical English skills, and I think mine are pretty good already. No, not just pretty good, they're excellent.

Guess it's time to start studying myself again. We'll see how that works and what I'll find. Perhaps some new crap to deal with, perhaps something extraordinary. Already looking forward to it.

Let the raining teardrops rain down on me tonight
I think making up, faking up stories is alright
Tick tock stop the clock, fiction is my thing
My attitude is always I and me and mine

This is it, the end was always coming and now it's here

So this is the grande finale
The crescendo of demise
This is the happy ending