And you told me you wanted to eat up my sadness - well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away.

I'm having trouble deciding what to do next weekend. There are (at least) four places I'm supposed to be at and it's wearing me out:

1. There's this singing gig in Raahe that I promised to help with when I met our old choir leader during the summer, and that would also be a good chance to see my old friends and actually get to sing in a group for a change (I've been missing that a lot). Also, I think my mom's kinda having some existential crisis once again and she seems to need a shoulder to whine on.
   
2. My friends are having a triple birthday party slash a late Halloween party. Costumes, drinks, snacks, awesome people I haven't spent enough time with in a long time.
   
3. A party slash meeting in Helsinki that probably would be a very interesting experience.
   
4. A weekend in probably the coolest commune in the human history plus some extra loveliness none of the other choices manage to provide.

I have no idea what I'm gonna choose yet. In addition, I'm attending this intensive German language history course right now so I have to be at school almost around the clock this week - I'm not sure how much time I'm willing to spend on some vehichle after surviving all this hustle. Pfffft! The first choice would also be pretty much the only one that would require absolutely no money (I'm so broke it's a bad joke) but somehow the almost six hour train ride both on Friday and on Sunday doesn't make the whole thing seem super attractive.

I didn't elaborate on that words part in that last entry for a reason. It's kinda moronic and sad to realise how much crap you're willing to take from people that you consider important, incredibly great (or hot) and/or particularly likeable in some other way(s). I've never been good at taking people's crap because of my pride, people I've been friends with for a longer period of time probably all know it's normally not a good idea to get on my nerves - with my temperament it is very difficult indeed to remain quiet and calm when being treated unfairly. However, those fiery reactions don't really get along too well with the whole aforementioned situation, and I sometimes feel as if I'm being trampled on even when it's perfectly unreasonable and ridiculous. Or is it? Fuck, I find myself being tangled up in my own mindgames when it seems as if someone is trying to play his/her own games with me.

It's so easy, it's so easy to second guess everything you do until all you want, all you want is to finish this half empty glass before the ice all melts away.