Have you got it in you?

Okay, so funny story: there's this woman living next to me that we for pretty obvious reasons call Lung Cancer Woman (she's always smoking on the balcony next to my place and I swear I can hear her coughing even when she's inside her own apartment), we always end up chatting when we run into each other. Turns out that she thought there was some very tall guy living in my apartment (I had a friend of mine from Austria visiting in July, I think she thought Christian was the one living there) before August when she first met me because I had been so quiet and somehow invisible (what the hell? I've been listening to music so loud it would cause deafness to people who aren't used to that), the second time we had an actual conversation was when Sezen was here and the chats were pretty interesting, now she told me she thought I had moved because I hadn't been around for two weeks and she had been wondering if I had met some new foreign man and left Finland for him for good. Apparently this is the image I give to random people that live in my block. Hilarious. I only told her "not yet" to the last assumption.

So life's gotten kinda fucked up. I'm having some trouble with my study grants and if the worst comes to worst, the state could literally stop supporting me altogether for good for reasons that are simply ridiculous. In that case I would probably have to quit my studies in Finland. Well, I guess I'd just have one more reason to move abroad. I'm pretty sure the Social Insurance Institution people won't be such dicks but it's not entirely impossible. But yes, that would really suck.

I've been pretty down in the gutter altogether lately, unable to sleep and sometimes unable to wake up, tired and anxious. I know, however, that it's mostly because of the circumstances and not because I'm the worst human being on this planet. I still have some confidence and girl balls so I'm not gonna spend any extra time wallowing in self-pity. Life can fuck me over as much as it wants but I'm not losing my self-respect and dreamer's mind and attitude. In your face, life!