Fuck the pain away.

I'm sitting on a train to Oulu. I was supposed to wait for a couple of days before traveling back north to visit my parents and some of the gang I left there once I decided to escape the overall anxiety surrounding places and people but under the circumstances I told my schoolwork to fuck off and jumped on this lovely moving vehichle that's become almost like my second home within the last ten years. I like trains. They always give me time and space to think, and whether those thoughts are something I've been wishing to avoid or not, it's good to be left alone with them occasionally.

I've always been a very conscientious person when it comes to stuff I'm supposed to do or deal with. Deadlines have always been exactly that, it doesn't matter if I've been dancing on tables and forgetting people's names the night before, I've always done what's been expected of me, and I'm still not too acquainted with the concept of failing. I think it's time to get to know that part of myself before I end up sacrificing my own happiness even more than I have so far. I do not have to always succeed, failure is not lethal. There are more important things in life than responsibilities that actually wouldn't be there at all if it wasn't for my own perfectionist mind and attitude. I have to learn how to let people down without feeling like the worst human being on this planet, people screw up and it's perfectly normal and okay.

Well, not that I wasn't acquainted with screwing up when it comes to all kinds of relationshits, whether we're talking about friendships or lovey-dovey crap. But that's another story.

Tonight I'm gonna get wasted with the girl I proposed to five years ago, and who finally agreed to show the world officially where we stand on facebook. My lovely bitching partner with whom we share everything from booze to men, apparently. Sharing is caring. Then I'm gonna try and stay drunk for a couple of days. Wish me luck.