Over 6 billion souls in the world, but you're the only one I want.

Academic Bulimia: The act of cramming a large amount of information into memory over a short period of time and then regurgitating the memorized information onto a test. Just as the bulimic retains very few nutrients from the food he or she purges, shortly after the exam an academic bulimic retains very little memory of the regurgitated information.

I have to admit to having an academic disorder. Although I'm not even sure if it's fair to assume someone with this main subject wouldn't ever evolve academic bulimia of some level, just having to learn the linguistic terminology would probably make most heads explode. It's awfully hard when you can't just come up with some random philosophical nonsense that almost answers the question but actually have to know the right terms to be able to provide an adequate answer.

I'm not sure if it's me or just life that's been messing things up royally lately. I've been caught in a bizarre spiral in which apparently every area of my life seems to be getting somehow out of control. My ass is so broke it's about to fall off and my sanity seems to be crumbling along with my relationships. There's nothing I'd like more than to know how to fix things but even those I might know what to do with I just mostly let slide through my fingers. I think I need a Chris Martin of some sort to try and fix me for once.

At times I can't think of any logical explanation as to why I'm still standing here beside Him (no religious connotation intended). Sometimes I find it awfully hard to come up with reasons not to just leave things be and walk away. All I know is that I haven't even looked at any other person since everything began, and that if the end credits with some magical song I could never bare to listen after that should show on my life's screen I wouldn't know who and how to be. My own inabilities to trust and to commit are one thing but accepting the pain that comes with wanting to stay is something that for me sometimes seems insuperable. Vulnerability hurts, it hurts so bad and yet so good.

Next Saturday will be May 1st, aka Labour Day, the day everyone in Finland heads out to have a few (thousand) drinks with friends and to celebrate. Or actually I think most people do it the night before. Either way, I have no idea where I'll be, and with whom. There are at least three parties to choose from on Friday but perhaps I'm gonna try and attend them all, whether I'm alone or not. On Saturday we'll have a picnic at the park with some friends and I heard there's some dubstep/drumandbass party later that night that sounded interesting. I'll be all free from responsibilities after Wednesday since that's when my last exam is, and I hope the stress will be gone by the weekend. I doubt it will but at least it'll be easier to cope with without having to worry about school all the time.